Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
