White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
there is puke in my bra ... again
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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