A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
