its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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