I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
