I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
