If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
