I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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