Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
