My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
