My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
