I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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