I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
