who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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