How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
