He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
