dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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