You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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