Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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