I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
