the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
