Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
