Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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