im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
