so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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