grandma shit on top of the toilet
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The power of my boobs compel you
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
