I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
