I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
