I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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