i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
