I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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