I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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