After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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