Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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