can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
