I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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