I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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