Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The air taste purple.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
