So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
