I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
