as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
