On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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