Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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