I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
