We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
