glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
