After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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