i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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