i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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