You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
