I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
